Monday, January 30, 2006

Top of the world, Mole!

Now you may recall that while I was lying unconscious with Shock on the ground, that dozy Mole was busy untying his giant balloon. Of course as soon as he untied it, he whooshed up into the sky!
When I opened my eyes, the first thing I spotted was the Mole stuck in the nearest tree. His balloon was caught on a branch and had already begun to deflate.
“Help! Oi don’t wanna go to the Moon!”
“Heh, heh. Serves you right!”
“Get Oi down!”
“All right, all right. Keep your fur on.”
Pigeons aren’t very good at untying knots, so I just gave the balloon another peck, and down it went.
Luckily the Mole fell in the birdbath, so he didn’t hurt himself, just had a nice cold bath.
“Oi hates baths!”
“Well you smell a lot better now, Mole!”
The Mole didn’t reply – he just jumped into the flower border and wasted no time getting all grubby again. He even forgot about his James Blunt CD.
I wonder if I could ‘persuade’ one of the local moggies to give me some money for it?

Friday, January 27, 2006

Pop goes the pigeon!

"Mole! Where are you?

"Here I be!"

"Where've you been?"

"Shopping! Oi've got some great bargains!"


"Oi've got a big balloon to un-stick you from moi tunnel, you stoopid pigeon!"

"Great! Get me out of here, quick! I'm starving!"

"Right. Oi've already tied the balloon to your tail feathers..."

"Ooh, so that's what that funny tickly feeling was! I thought it might be Doris feeling frisky."

"Now Oi'll start burrowin'at this end."

"It''s working...I'm being pulled back-.."


"Hurray! With one giant leap, this pigeon is free! Thanks, Mole! You'd better have your balloon back now - don't want the other birds laughing at me!"

"Hurr hurr! Too late for that! They've been laughin' at you all week!"

"Huh! Er...Mole...What other bargains did you get? And what did you use for money?"

"The gold, silly!"

"WHAT! All of it? Oh no! Surely you didn't use all our treasure to buy one balloon?"

"Course not! Oi'm not stoopid! Oi got another bargain as well!"

"Crumbs, oh golly, oh gosh...please tell me it's not true...what was your bargain then, Mole? A Ferrari? A supercomputer? Easter eggs?"

"Much better than any of those!"


"A James Blunt CD!"

"NOOOOooooooooo!" (Faints.)

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Still stuck

It's dark in here. And there are Beetles.

Monday, January 23, 2006

down t' pit

Hello folks. Sorry if I sound rather muffled. Some of you may know the story in Winnie-the-Pooh where he gets stuck in Rabbit's doorway. Now if you subsitute ' Mole'-hole for 'Rabbit doorway,' and 'Giant Pigeon' for 'Winnie-the-Pooh' - well, you get the picture. Someone grassed up me and the Mole to the Customs and Excise people about our gold bullion and we had to hide it in a hurry. I scurried in after the Mole so I'd know where he'd put the loot  - and you can guess the rest.
The Mole is being Really Sympathetic (not) - in fact, he hasn't stopped chortling for hours, and isn't Helping at All.
I, on the other hand, am starving hungry. And I've got icicles hanging off my poor frozen butt.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Untold wealth!

We’re rich! Look what we’ve found! Mole’s already bought a swanky new outfit! I’m off to buy the biggest pizza the world has ever seen!
After that – world domination, here I come!

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Rich pickings

Well, I finally got the mole to cooperate with my archaeological dig in the back garden by promising to let him have all the worms we dig up.
We make a great team. Mole digs and I sieve through all the earth with Lexica's flour sieve (I didn't bother to ask her, as I knew she'd say no.)
It's bloomin' hard work though. And this is the untold wealth we've discovered so far:
103 worms
104 slugs (ugh!)
6 ring-pulls
A fossilized Chorley cake (I tried to nibble it but nearly broke my beak)
And a plastic boomerang thingy from Whizzer and Chips.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Awkward blighter

The Mole is being very unco-operative - every time I try to speak to him about digging for treasure, he blows a giant raspberry and disappears down his tunnel. I think I'll have to try bribery...