Friday, September 30, 2005

Top of the Pops

Me singing Molyan's song.
As you can see, I've gone completely potty about Molyan's song (see Molyan)
All my pigeon pals are crazy about it. I can't get the words out of my head. It's bound to go straight to Number One of the Pigeon Pop charts (not Number Two.)

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Save Our Sydney

I see my chum Sydney the Giant Squid is in the news. ( (Me and Doris met him when we were on holiday in the Canaries.) Some nasty scientists trapped him with some big hooks and filmed him for FOUR HOURS struggling to break free. Did they help him once they'd finished their horror movie? No. He only got free once his poor tentacle broke off.
I was thinking of inviting him to stay while he recuperates. Lexica's only got a paddling pool, though - maybe me and Gertie could pool our resources. Gorgeous Gary suggested we sellotape up the garden shed and fill it with water, but I said that was a Stupid Idea. Even this pigeon knows you can't fit a 30ft giant squid into a 6x4 shed.
It would be really cool having him here though. The smirk on Tiddles Clutterbuck's furry face would disappear pretty quick if Sydney jumped out from behind the garden shed. That would stop him chasing pigeons and baby sparrows for supper...
I'm just off to find a Get Well card and write him an invite...

Monday, September 26, 2005

Where's our dinner?

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Hello Pip and Squeak

Isn't Doris Budgie a great chum? She saw I was pining for Bernard/Bjorn, so she got me some new pets to play with.Though what she thinks I have in common with 2 little animals who do nothing all day except eat, sleep and build nests is anyone's guess.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Missing Bjorn

My turnip lies over the ocean
My turnip lies over the sea
My turnip lies over the ocean
Oh bring back my turnip to me...(Sob.)

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Hen night

Here's a Polaroid of Doris Budgie's chums enjoying a hen night. Shocking, isn't it? Doris will be all over the News of the World if she isn't careful.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

A narrow squeak

Had a close call this morning. Nearly got eaten by Tiddles Clutterbuck!
It seems he was very impressed by Derek the Sheep's ninja skills and has been practising. There I was, enjoying a fried egg butty for my breakfast, when I suddenly felt someone's warm breath on my neck and instinctively flew for cover - smack into Lexica's window! As I perched on the windowledge, stunned, I saw that rotten moggy slink away into the raspberry bushes. I was very nearly Tiddles' Tweety-Pie sandwich!
And if all that isn't bad enough, I'm getting really worried about Doris Budgie.
Her big night out at Derek's disco has given her a taste for the high life, and now she's out till all hours at one hen night after another. Where will it all end?

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Space sheep

My mate Gorgeous Gary said that commun-ications will be very important when I take over the world, so we flew over Duckshire to see some big radio dishes.
Derek the Sheep fans will know that sheep are big star freaks, but these woolly chums are really into radio astronomy.
The top astronomer sheep, Patrick Moorino, showed us round and we had a great time.
I asked if the big dishes fill up with snow in the winter and he said yes, and told us about a brilliant wheeze. He waits till one of the other sheep is hard at work, making adjustments to the radio dish, then tips the whole dish full of snow - whumpf!- onto his unsuspecting chum!
Some crazy radio stars called pulsars were discovered here, but Patrick let us into a little secret.
It seems when they first discovered the pulsar signals, they told all the press and all the other astronomer sheep got really jealous.
When they finally twigged the signals were coming from Doris Budgie's microwave as she heated up her millet burgers, they were so embarrassed they didn't dare tell anyone.
So next time you see some astronomer dude on the telly spouting theories about black holes and gravity lenses and whatever, you'll know The Truth.
Which is out there somewhere in Doris Budgie's cage...

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Him again!

You would think the Internet was full up with daft animals, what with talking sheep, ghost fish and a moggy called Paws. But now
  • TheMole

  • is stirring up trouble - he's got his very own blog.


    Wednesday, September 07, 2005

    The Erroneous Vegetable Affair

    It wasn't Bernard the Goat we kidnapped after all! It was a swede called Bjorn who was here on holiday.
    I got a postcard from his sister today:
    Dear Fat Tony
    I'm writing on behalf of my brother Bjorn to thank you (his English isn't very good) for the lovely holiday he had in the POW theme park. He particularly enjoyed the finale, with his escape through The Mole's tunnel. He said cricket is a stupid game, though.
    I guess you would think cricket is a stupid game if you'd been knocked for six by Freddie Flintoff.
    But a POW camp! I told Lexica the barbed wire and searchlights to keep the neighbourhood cats out was going OTT.
    Guess it's back to the drawing board yet again. I will have to come up with yet another plan to take over the world. Vegetable extortion is just a load of compost, if you ask me.

    Friday, September 02, 2005

    A slight miscalculation

    Mission accom-plished! Oi've successfully rescued Bernard the turnip. He do talk funny, though. Oi seem to have taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque - Oi meant to deliver Bernard safely to Derek the Sheep's field, and us've popped up in the middle of a cricket match.
    Help! Bernard's rolled onto the pitch! Shane Warne thinks he's a cricket ball!
    He's bowling him towards Freddie Flintoff!
    OI CAN'T LOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!