After consulting all the local beasties - Gorgeous Gary, 'Arry Alsatian, and even Tiddles Clutterbuck - I've decided Action must be Taken to rid the world of the Menace that is James Blunt. Boring David Gray is on the 'hit list' too. So if you know any poor, deluded creatures who have fallen under their evil spell (such as Doris Budgie and the Mole, currently sulking down his tunnel), take them gently to one side and bash them over the head with a stale Chorley cake until they see the error of their ways. (Although I have to admit this didn't go down well with Doris, who isn't Speaking to me again, but we all have to make sacrifices for the greater good.)
All I need now is some creative suggestions on what to do with all those 'music' CDs. Remember, putting James Blunt straight in the bin, while satisfying, isn't good enough as we must all Recycle nowadays. The posters of him have comedy potential so we won't worry too much about those.
Here are some tips to get you all started:
* If you run out of crackers, cover the JB CDs with jam (or peanut butter) and lick the spread off
* String them together and stretch them across the garden as an alarm system in case the long arm of the law (i.e. Inspector Jack Daw) comes sniffing round looking for contraband.
* Use them as coasters for your steaming mug of cocoa
Over to you, bloggers. The world is in peril!
8 comments:
Frizbies! Have I spelt that right? Who cares? Or spinning tops, if you stick a pencil through the middle then any light that reflects off can make pretty patterns on the ceiling.
*Use the razor-sharp blades to cut cheese.
*Hang them on poles planted near vegetable patches to scare off birds.
And although this is off-topic, you might be interested to know that Derek has his own message board now! Check it out.
Can you also take out Oasis, KT Tunstall, Kate Melluargh, that gonzales bloke on a guitar, actually ANY bloke in his late 20's on a guitar writing pitiful ballads.
Hmmm... who else?
KT Tunstall and Kate Melluargh are not blokes Derek. Or they weren't the last time I checked.
Damien Rice is next on the hit list acksherly. And that Gillian McKeith. Anyone who tries to get in between this pigeon and his tuck box had better watch out.
Actually, I quite fancy Kate Melluargh. But her songs are well rubbish.
Do you think that you could take a quick trip over the pond and attack a variety of American rappers?
It is rather a long way for a pigeon to fly unless we can cadge a lift on a cruise liner (not good for the waistline, btw - lots of lovely food.) Rest assured pigeons don't like rap music though.
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