"Nuttasha Kerplunkski reporting, DNN News.
Police and firecrews are at the scene on a street in leafy Duckshire.
A giant crater, over 100ft wide, has appeared in Lexica's garden.
Mr Mole, you just happened to be passing by when this incident occurred. Can you tell us what happened?"
"Hur hurr, Oi sure did. That stupid great pigeon was perched atop of the climbing frame as usual, when boom! there were a girt big rumblin' noise, and the 'ole darn lot disappeared down into a dirty big 'ole."
"You must have been frightened, Mr Mole."
"Oi dunno about that - Oi was too busy splittin' my sides fit to bust, Oi was."
"I'm just going to ask the police chief to update us on the situation...
"POLICE!"
"Where are you going in such a hurry, Mr Mole?"
"Urr...Oi think Oi left the gas on..."
"Officer, how is the rescue attempt progressing?"
"Well, Nuttasha, we're waiting for the arrival of a giant crane from the next county so that we can hoist the pigeon out. He's still at the bottom of the pit, feet waving in the air, surrounded by the remains of a child's climbing frame."
"Do we know the identity of the victim, Officer?"
"Fat Tony. He's well known to the local police."
"Oh. Why doesn't he just, well...FLY out of the crater?"
"Heh, heh, heh. It seems that owing to his enormous size, the only way Fat Tony can usually reach escape velocity is to take a death-defying leap off the climbing frame first, then flap his wings at high speed."
"Any theories as to what could have caused this immense crater, Officer?"
"Well, it could be an earthquake. Duckshire isn't usually noted for earthquake activitiy, though."
"Could it be mole activity? There have been reports..."
"No, I think that's a red herring."
"It all sounds very fishy to me. Thank you again, Officer. Well, we'll obviously update viewers as soon as possible, but it's back to the studio for the latest celebrity news. It's been reported Derek the Sheep is wearing bright pink underpants on his head. A new fashion?
This is Nuttasha Kerplunkski, DNN News, signing off."
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The adventures of Fat Tony,the biggest pigeon in the world. I am a writer and kids' taxi.
3 comments:
Very fetching, Derek's pants are too!
Lexica here. I hope Derek isn't really setting a new fashion - the thought of Fat Tony wearing pink undies on his head is really gruesome.
Lexica: (I write Fat Tony's blog, in case you couldn't tell) - amazing blog, by the way, menaceman.
The firecrews are still waiting for the big crane to winch Fat Tony out - hope he's nodded off for a nap.
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