Curses! Foiled again!

Fat Tony's Plan for world domination
1. Find Derek's field in Papua New Guinea.
2. Kidnap Derek the Sheep!
3. Sell Britain's favourite sheep on e-Bay for 50 squillion pounds!
4. Take over the World!

What could possibly go wrong?
Everything, that's what. The bike I 'borrowed' got two flat tyres and collapsed after half a mile. I had to hitch a lift on a tractor all the rest of the way.
When I finally found Derek's field - he wasn't there! All I could find was some dozy sheep with a yukky nose and a stupid balloon.
First the silly sheep kept going on and on about how he couldn't understand my Northern accent.Then that rotten balloon kept making unkind remarks about my weight!
It's not my fault I have a slow metabolism. I tried to peck the balloon but a mean-looking goat turned up. "Derek's gone to watch the new Star Wars movie! Now clear off before I call the police!" he bleated.
What a cheek!
And I'm not a ginormous smelly fat whale of a pigeon, either! Flippin' balloon!
One of my pigeon pals phoned me on my mobile to say he thought Lexica was up to something. I'm going home!
I will just have to come up with another plan to take over the world. And when I do, balloons will be first on my list of things to 'deal with'!