Who's the bird brain now?

Here is a top news story for you! All we need to do is replicate this amazing trick all over Britain, and all us birdies will be safe from marauding moggies!

A Victorian April Fool?

It’s nest-building time for us pigeons, and as I’ve been so unlucky with previous nests, I decided to flick through some old books to see if they sparked any ideas for a better nest site. I found this story about a pigeon who got so fed up with rats eating her eggs, she became friends with a cat. The pigeon guarded the cat’s kittens, and the cat kept rats away from the nest. It sounds a very unlikely to me - us pigeons can't stand cats. A chap called Harrison Weir did a very nice drawing of the story, though.

Happy New Year!

Hello everyone! Sorry I haven't updated the blog for such a long time, but I've been spending some time 'at her Majesty's pleasure' after an unfortunate misunderstanding over a pizza delivery van. The Mole has been looking after my nest while I've been away. I got him some Lego for Christmas; he seems to like it, even though it's a bit tricky for his paws.

Busy, busy, busy

It's a busy life for us poor pigeons, and no mistake, on the go all day. Haven't had a minute even to update this poor old blog. So I decided I needed a holiday. I hitched a lift on a ferryboat to in Brittany, where I stayed in a rather swanky dovecot.

Posh innit? I've had a smashing time - the French sure know how to make cakes and croissants. And chocolate. And huge baguettes. And ... well, you get the idea. The only scary bit was the voyage home. The ferry seemed alarmingly unstable and kept listing to one side, so I flapped from the rail where I was perched and sat on the funnel, which was lovely and warm. It was nice to come home to my comfy old nest, though.

A new companion?

Mole is getting very uppity nowadays. I was sitting in my nest, enjoying a nice breakfast of toast, crumpets, jam and pizza, when he came swanking into the garden. "Dr Who's got a new companion!" he said. "Guess Who?" My money's on Konnie Huq off Blue Peter or someone like that. After all, it's not likely to be the Mole, is it?

Born Free

After a day or two, Mole remembered he could tunnel out. He's safe and sound in his home burrow now. I thought this news item was rather mean. Unloved? Britain's most popular bird? Me and the lads 'had a word' in high places, and you'll note that Mr Livingston is no longer Mayor of London. 'Nuff said, eh?

Rescue the mole!

Help! The Mole was kidnapped by James Blunt fans when they caught him burying JB CDs in the compost heap! He was only performing a public duty. How can we rescue him?

Is it spring yet?

Sorry about the radio silence for a while. The likes of David Attenborough will tell you that pigeons don't hibernate, but I have had a lovely snooze for the last couple of months after feasting on a mega-sized pizza and pancakes. Some inner alarm clock woke me up to tell me that Easter is early this year - which means - choccie Easter egg time! I can't wait.

Counting moles

A recent news report has labelled moles 'much maligned mammals.' And the animal charity people want help counting 'em. Well, there's just one in my garden, and he's a flippin' pest. He's always looking for an excuse to steal the limelight.

Happy New Year!

Well, Christmas has come and gone, and so have all the mince pies. One of my pigeon pals in Japan has told me about a new building. Just remember, there's no building so high that a pigeon can't 'decorate' it in his own inimitable fashion.

Happy Christmas!

Happy Christmas everybody! Me and Mole are already tucking into some mince pies. Have a great time everyone!

In case of James Blunt...

It has come to my and Mole's attention that James Blunt has been spotted out and about again. Even on previously prestigious programmes such as Top Gear! It's got to be stopped. We've found an old cannon, and Mole are me are getting it primed and ready just in case he comes here carol singing or summat.
You can't be too careful nowadays...

A small visitor

I was waddling down to the chippy for a spot of lunch, when I was stopped by a young pup asking for directions. Bobby the Labrador wanted to know the way to the canal. Small creatures should be careful about speaking to strangers. Luckily, although I am a cool criminal mastermind, my interests lie in the pizza and bank robbery department. Maybe I don't look menacing enough. Perhaps I ought to get some darker sunglasses!
I do hope the little pup is all right - he seems rather small to be toddling about on his own.

Hi folks! I've been having some blogger 'issues' for the past few days, hopefully they'll all be sorted out soon. It's tricky when you've only got a pigeon-sized brain.

Hallowe'en fun

What a wizard wheeze Hallowe'en is when you're a giant pigeon. I plonked a witch's hat on my head, found an old seaside bucket and carried it in my beak round all the houses. I got a smashing haul of sweeties - and everyone complimented me on my unusual costume! What a laugh!

A Great Invention?

The Mole fires up his new Patent Worm Excavating and Mole Feeding Device.

New dictionary entry

Ninnyhammer (n.) Metal implement for use in dire peril, e.g. In case of James Blunt, break CD. See also Beddingfield, Daniel.

Fat Tony's Occasional Dictionary

Hi! Didya miss me? A dictionary fell on my foot and I had to wait till my pal Bertie Bookworm lightened the load a bit. While I was waiting I had a look at the dictionary, and it was full of useless words like 'diet' and 'politician.' So I decided to invent a few of my own. Here's today's word:
Speculation (n.) That awful moment thirty seconds after putting your glasses down when you can't remember where you've put them and you're too short-sighted to see them anywhere...

Born free

I put Bilbo carefully back in the garden border. At first he curled up into a ball. I trotted to the far end of the garden so he wouldn't feel crowded, and all off a sudden he unrolled and trundled off through the undergrowth, the flowers waving as he pushed his way through. Blinkin' hedgehog! He gave me an awful fright. He seems happy enough now. Maybe he'd had a night out on the tiles and had a hangover. Anyway, I'm off to the chippy. I'm sure I'm wasting away after all this worry...

Would you believe it!

Well, off we went to the vet. I was really worried about little Bilbo, as you can imagine.
The nurse asked me to leave him there for a little while while they checked him over. When I came back, the nurse said he was right as rain! He curled up in a ball as soon as she tried to examine him, but she said he was fine. So maybe he was just sleepy and cold when I found him as it was first thing in the morning. The nurse said to put him back in the garden, so that's where we're off to now.